____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
