Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Randomize
