I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
