I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
