Hey man sorry I got all grabby
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
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