I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
