grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Randomize
