Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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