we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
