1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
