i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
