There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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