Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Randomize
