if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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