Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Randomize
