i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
