she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
