She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
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I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
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Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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