you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
My cat gives me a boner
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize