I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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