I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Randomize
