I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
