She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
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I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
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I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
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