that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
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