Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
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