Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
