i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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