How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Randomize
