spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
