You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize