I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Randomize
