there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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