man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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