There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Randomize
