Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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