Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
