Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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