went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Randomize
