I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
