Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Randomize
