ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
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