I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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