Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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