hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
