Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
