i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
