don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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