and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
