I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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