the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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