Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
