btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
