I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
