I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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