...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
and you fell through a lawn chair
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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