She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
