so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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