I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize