I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
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