this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
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