I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Sorry my hands just texted you
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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