Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
