Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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