I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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