The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
