OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
love makes seman taste better
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
