Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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