when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
