I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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