Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Michael Bay diarrhea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize