i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
