You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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