Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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