things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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